Christian Weston Chandler

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Lo and behold, the mistake of God!

Christian Weston Chandler (born Christopher Weston Chandler on 24 February 1982) is a perverse, narcissistic, homophobic, sexist, racist, overweight, delusional "high-functioning autistic" virgin man-child, and creator of Sonichu, a brilliant crossover of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu starring in his own self-titled online comic book.

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic Sonichu into a hit video game franchise and his Love Quest to obtain a "boyfriend-free, 18 year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic white girl" to make into a "sweetheart from the ground-up."

In late 2007, he became Internet-famous when he caught the attention of 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade Sonichu medallion in public, his laughably childlike artwork about his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in public places while literally holding up a sign asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, revealing still more disturbing facts about him.

Yes, friends, it gets far worse.

Overview

Chris is a timid, self-absorbed little man who has been allowed—by his parents and/or his autism—to eternally live like a child, amassing toys and video games into a single bedroom in his parents' house. Now approaching thirty, he is so comfortable in his pitiful existence that he refuses to conform to the rules of society, such as "you have to bathe regularly" and "you can't sit in a store all day waiting for people to talk to you" and "if you keep shitting your pants you should be more careful when you think you're just going to fart." Although the public school system forced society and Chris to put up with one another, Chris is now free to stay indoors and not do anything he doesn't want to do. Accordingly, Chris has never held a steady job or had any meaningful relationship with a woman (or anyone of any gender, for that matter).

Chris is obsessed with his character Sonichu, to the point that he hand-crafted several medallions in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February 2004 and March 2009, Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his driver's license photo and to his college graduation. He is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason Nintendo, Sega, and Sony haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're trying to be tough negotiators.

Chris cannot draw. At all. Every single person on the planet could draw better at age seven than Chris could at age 28, when the hand-drawn premiere issue of Sonichu was released. What makes it even funnier is that his art is the closest thing he has to an actual talent.

Chris is the dangerous combination of the emotional maturity of a six-year-old and the sexual maturity of a young adult male. As a result, he has little understanding or appreciation of women. To him, all women are little more than objects that could potentially provide for him emotionally, sexually, and financially. It appears that everything he knows about sex has been learned from sex ed classes and porn. For some reason, he believes he knows more about sex and women than whoever he is talking to (such as women who have had sex), which inevitably results in hilarity.

Chris absolutely hates gay men, and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's penis, and he stares at Sailor Moon to keep himself straight. Oh, he also swallows his own semen and wears a bra. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of Family Guy.

Comic

Chris's main claim to fame is his unexceptional autobiographical comic Sonichu, based on his original character of the same name, until he started making the comic about himself. Although Chris firmly believes in quality over quantity, the comics look like they were drawn by a 6 year old. Though they thirst for more, trolls understand the creative struggle within, and allow Chris to release comics at his own pace.

The comic itself is a blatant rip-off parody of the Sonic and Pokemon universes, and Chris is sage enough to avoid copyright problems by keeping his comic so underground that Sega and Nintendo are unlikely to ever become aware of it.

One of the more Horrendous aspects of Chris's art his depiction of romance. In his comics, he depicts characters in sexual themes, and has numerous times said his audience is ages 7 and up. Especially noteworthy is Chris' depiction of homosexuality in his comics; he depicts homosexuals as people who have a disease, and puts a drug in the water to cleanse them from their sickness.

In mid-2009 Chris released the official audiobook series through his YouTube account, making many new fans who were held spell-bound by the poor quality artwork, amateur vocal impressions, and amusing sound effects. Fan-made audiobooks also are in existence, and they are much better than his.

Fanbase

Thanks to his discovery by Jason Kendrith Howell on Encylopedia Dramaticia, Chris has received a huge troll following, both on the internet and in real life. Chris has frequently threatened to call the police on them and even issue death threats to some prominent trolls. One particular death threat against Clyde Cash, he makes fun of the September 11th attacks. Most of Chris's biggest fans reside at the CWCki[1], which Christian wants shut down.

Future

Most likely after both his parents pass away (although his father may already be deceased) he would most likely end up in an insane asylum, where he will live miserably for the rest of his life.

External links

References